She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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