Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
