so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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