hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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