There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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