Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
