I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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