dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
