I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
