so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
