Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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