she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
