he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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