by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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