it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Randomize
