Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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