I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
