There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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