Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
