I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
