I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
