From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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