I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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