if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
did i walk over a car last night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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