Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
