She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
