Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
