people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
