once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize