I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are we still banned from the library?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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