i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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