I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
