God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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