Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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