He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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