I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
