last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
