I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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