chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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