All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
