Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
