Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
