I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
foreskin is a definite game changer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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