i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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