I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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