After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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