At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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