Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
