I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
