Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
