i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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