my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
