I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
