hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
