I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
