a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
