did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
