Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
