I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Houston, we have a blender
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
