I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
