your room smells of hookers.
And success
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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