i just wanna soil my oats bro
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
