Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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